Self Reflection & Story Time

How Did This Happen?

I’m looking around at all this mess and just thinking—how did this happen? How do I get myself out of this? And more importantly, how do I not go right back into it?

I was even debating not putting this on camera.

The Storage Shed Story

When I was 24 (I’m 35 now), I was moving into an apartment. I put almost everything I owned into a storage shed—two Subaru Impreza hatchback loads at the apartment, everything else in the shed.

I don’t want to get into what was in there, but let’s just say it would have been life-altering to have that stuff—to give to my kids, to sell, especially with Pokemon and Magic card prices during COVID.

Due to a little malice from one person and negligence from a family member, it was all stolen. I lost literally everything except those two hatchback loads.

Radical Accountability

That was a moment where I embraced radical accountability—no matter what happens to me, it’s my fault. I shouldn’t have trusted who I trusted. I should have gotten it out anyway. I can’t blame anyone else.

The Buying Problem

So I started rebuilding the collection, chasing stuff I had as a kid, rebuilding Warhammer armies. I didn’t think about the countless hours and years of painting I’d lost.

I had just met my wife, was making big boy money with low responsibilities. Just immediately started buying—books, toys, Warhammer stuff, hobby stuff. Then bought this house (bad decision), got married, had kids.

The only way I engaged with the hobby was buying. I wasn’t playing. I wasn’t painting. The only way I was engaging with this thing I love was buying and not even taking care of it.

Time to Change

To actually change who you are, you have to think about why you’re doing these things and how you got there. I’ve already spent two weeks cleaning and it’s still this bad—that tells you how bad it really was.

I don’t want to spend the rest of the month getting this workspace cleaned only to do the same things that got me here.

The No-Buy Commitment

The next wave of Dusk (Fane of Nero) comes out in June. I’m not buying anything until then. Sorry, Steam Forge—I love you guys, but I’m done on the purchasing department.

I have everything I need to play all the games I want. I don’t need to purchase anything for at least 6 months. We’re pretty much in the new year mentally—prep starts today.

The Golden Demon Goal

I really want to get good at painting. Really, really good. Maybe set a goal of actually going to a Golden Demon in two to three years—when the kids could handle me going somewhere or maybe even coming with me.

I’m pretty good for an average painter, but I have a long way to go.

The Studio Vision

I call it the dungeon because I’m in a basement and it’s very much a hoarder’s dungeon right now. It’s time to turn this into a studio—a place to clear my head, be healthy, be creative.

It starts with looking at these bad habits, figuring out why they’re there, and having the discipline to not do the same dumb stuff over and over again.

The Year’s Projects

Building everything I want to paint next year so I can just paint:

• Dusk (almost done)
• Infinity (less than 20 figures left to build)
• All Orcs and Vampire Counts built
• Mordheim warband
• Kingdom Death (going to be rough)
• Relic Blade
• Lord of the Rings (keeping in boxes for now)
• Solo RPG stuff

If none of that interests you, stop watching, unsubscribe. That’s the next year of this YouTube channel.

The Real Vision

This channel is documenting my progress on getting good at a game, getting really good at painting, and solo role-playing games. That’s really where my heart lies—storytelling and creativity.

Transcript

This could be kind of a serious one. Um, I’m looking around and now I’m in like the sort and categorize stage to get all of this like finalized and cleaned up. And I’m just like looking at it all and like how how did this happen, right? Like mess mess junk. Like this is like probably especially this like all of that under there is not trash.

That’s like boxes that I tipped over. And obviously the table is crazy. Uh, and I’ve just been like thinking like how one, how do I get myself out of this, but two, how do I just not go right back into this? And I’ve just been thinking and reflecting about like how I even got here cuz like this is just this is crazy. Like it’s I was even like debating not even putting it on camera.

I mean, I’m sure there’s been glimpses of it in the background, but uh when I was 24, and I’m 35 now, so 24, 25ish, I was in the process of moving and I was moving into an apartment. And I put almost everything I owned into a storage shed. And I’m sure you can tell where this is going. I literally had I had like obviously I have some stuff like you’ve seen some stuff I’ve had from when I was a kid, but I maybe like two two uh two Subaru Imprezas worth of of uh car loads at this apartment and everything else I owned was in the storage shed. And I I don’t even want to get into like what was in the store shed, but let’s just say it would have been lifealtering to have been able to have that stuff one to give to my kids and like two to sell, especially with the price of Pokemon cards and and Magic cards during COVID.

But anyway, I don’t want to get into that. Uh but everything I had in that storage shed due to a little bit of malice on one person’s part and a little bit of negligence on another family member’s part. It was all stolen. Uh, so I lost everything like literally everything that I owned except for two like small car loads. Actually, I had a hatchback at the time.

So, two hatchback loads uh that I had like literally just moved like a week into this apartment. I was like going back and and the storage shed was like this way and where I worked was this way and it so, you know, I didn’t think it was like that pressing to go and get everything which was really my fault. like I one I shouldn’t have trusted who I trusted uh to use that storage shed. Uh and really like I just should have got it out anyway. I can’t really blame anybody else for that.

But that was a moment in my life where I kind of embraced this idea of of radical accountability that no matter what happens to me, it’s my fault. And that was that was a lesson that I took away from that and a couple of other experiences I had when I was uh early 20s. Uh but anyway, so I kind of started just rebuilding the collection, you know, like a little bit of like chasing stuff I had when I was a kid. Uh rebuilding the Warhammer stuff. And I’m just going to pace around and ramble.

Uh and I kind of like I so I started rebuilding the Warhammer armies that I had. And obviously in my head like I wasn’t going to be able to jump right back in just paint. Like I didn’t think about the countless hours and and years of painting all the stuff that I had. So, I immediately just kind of jumped back in and and I was working. Uh, and at that time, I had just met my wife.

Like, we were freshly dating, so I still had I was kind of making big boy money then. But anyway, I was able to just like do what I wanted to do with my money with relatively low responsibilities. So, just kind of immediately started just buying like the books and the books, the video games, not really video games at that point, but just like the books, the toys, the Warhammer stuff, the hobby stuff. uh really just kind of trying to just regain all that and then bought the house that we’re in now, which sucks. I’m I’m grateful and thankful to have a house, but uh it’s it was a bad decision, very bad decision to purchase this specific house, but anyway, uh and then like getting married and having kids, the only way that I really engaged with the hobby was buying stuff.

Like I wasn’t playing, I wasn’t obviously I wasn’t painting. Uh, occasionally I’d build stuff, but really the only way that I was engaging with this thing that I love was buying and uh, not even taking care of it obviously. Like it’s in pile. It looks like trash, you know? Like this is just a straight up like I should be on an episode of which is also like pretty pretty embarrassing too honestly.

So I’m using my shame to uh to clean. I mean it’s not like dirty, you know? It’s just like I keep it clean but it’s just like clean piles of of junk. So, I got to keep going through this and I’m at the point now where like I have relatively good idea of what I’m going to do with the space and I’m going to organize it. But it really to actually change who you are and what you’re doing, you have to think about the reasons of why you’re doing it and like how you got to that that place and you don’t want to just go right back to it.

Like I could spend I’ve already spent like two weeks cleaning and it’s still this to give you an idea of how bad it really was. I don’t want to spend the rest of the month getting this workspace all cleaned back up again only to do the same things that got me here. So, um it’s just it’s just time to change and it’s like it’s time to address like why I have these flaws and where they came from and why I’m doing these things that I don’t want to do anymore. And a big part of that is buying like I got to stop buying. Uh the next wave of of Dusk, the faint of Nero comes out in June of next year, June or July.

Uh, so not buying any War Machine until then. Sorry, Steam Forge. Uh, I love you guys, but I think uh I think I’m done on on the purchasing department there. Um, I have everything I need to play Dusk to 100 points. I might not be like a metalist, especially with things changing, but um but worst case, I could print I could print the rest of Dark Operations or Crucible Guard looks really cool, but I don’t want a Project Hop.

Uh, see, I’m doing the thing again that I do, but I I have enough to play all the games that I want to play. I don’t need to purchase anything else uh until June and my like 6 months really like we’re pretty much in my mind we’re in the new year cuz I got to do all the prep starts today if I want to actually hit the ground running in the new year. So, uh just not going to buy anything for at least 6 months until June until dust comes out. I have more more than enough more than enough uh stuff to do in the meantime. More than enough projects.

More than enough uh and I really I want to paint, you know. I I want to get really good at War Machine. I would like to start playing Infinity and I want to get really good at painting. Like really really good at painting. uh maybe like set a goal of like actually going to like I don’t know probably spending like the next three years trying to think of like when realistically the kids could handle like me going somewhere or maybe even coming with me.

Um so two to three years of like painting every day with the intent of getting very good at painting and then maybe going out to a Golden Demon. Um I think like I’m pretty good for an average painter, but I have a long way to go to get up to where I’d like to be. So I think it’s time to start that. But it starts with this workshop and getting turning this into a studio. I call it the dungeon because I’m down in a basement and it’s very much a hoarder’s dungeon right now.

But uh it’s time to turn this into a studio and a place where I can clear my head and be healthy and and be at a place of creativity and creation. Uh, and it starts with just kind of like looking at these bad habits within myself, figuring out why they’re there, and now like having the the discipline and the mental fortitude to not go back and do the same dumb over and over again. Okay, hobbywise, I fixed everything that was broken from the starter set. I think that’s actually the expansion set. It’s whichever box Hazeroth comes in.

So, I got all those guys fixed and the support lines removed. Got the cat. >> Magnetize this guy. I got to clean this shelf off. It’s pretty dusty.

I just brought this from down from uh or in from the garage actually. Uh got >> uh duskwise, I just got to do the fantasm. And the fantasm is like 75% done. Um a little bit more magnetizing I need to do, but I got everything that was broken or warped and all the supports off and everything sanded. All the stuff that’s like a pain in the butt done and just a little bit more magnetizing to do on that.

So, I’ll get that done today, too. Uh, and so so my the goblins I haven’t I haven’t abandoned them. Uh, really just my mentality with the goblins was those are how I make sure that I get brush on something. So I’m really like I don’t know maybe like 15 minutes a day like probably like I finish like two goblins a day lately. And I think u before the end of this month I’ll sit down and however many are left I’ll just bang them all out and then that’s when I’ll make the the final goblin video.

But, uh, I’ve been thinking I get so sidetracked building stuff, uh, and not hobbying that I think it’d be good for me to just build everything that I want to paint next year and just have it all knocked out. So, that’s really kind of what I’ve been doing, which maybe sounds crazy, but it’s kind of like the the same mistakes that I’ve been making, but like optimizing the mistake and and making the most of it. So, I’ve got uh I’ve I’ve built all this infinity all these infinity guys. Yeah, I built these. I got all those guys built.

Let me open this up. Uh they’re still kind of all over the place, but I’ve almost built every Infinity model I own. I only have like four or five Infinity models left. And I’m going to use the Infinity to like practice painting. Uh just cuz there’s so many different textures.

Uh it’s a smaller scale, so I think it’ll be harder. Uh and there’ll be a lot of opportunity to learn and try new techniques. And also they don’t all have to look uniform. Uh, I I’ll do things to like tie the the force together, but I think I’ll be able to get away with trying different different methods and different things on them. Uh, the dusk is here.

Then what else was I building? So, uh, in the closet, all the orcs are built. Obviously, all the the vampire counts. All the vampire hobbits are built. Um, I’m going to build the Mheim.

He’s he’s built. But, uh, I found, look at this. Uh, look at this. Uh, so I found go I found the zombies, so I got to do the undead Mheim War band. I need a necromancer, so I’m on the lookout for a necromancer in my collection somewhere.

I don’t think I have the official one. Uh, I know I don’t have the official one, but I think I have a cool some cool ones. I’ll be able >> somewhere somewhere in here is 80 80 painted grip goals. So I pretty much got the Morton Morb. >> Got to build this.

If you know what this is, I’ve been waiting too long. This is definitely on the list for next year to paint. miscellaneous RPG models that I’m going to I’m not I don’t plan on painting all of these, but uh there’s just like a a various assortment of them that I want to paint for for all of these cuz I definitely I just want to start doing role playing games more too. And I’m not going to build these uh right now, but it’s going to be like the last kind of the last project I have that I want to do for next year. But, uh, Lord of the Rings, multiple Lord of the Rings armies.

I really want to get into that game really, really badly. So, uh, like I said, I’m not going to build them. I’m going to keep them in the box for now. But next year, next year for sure. Uh, so think I’m being pretty ambitious with my with the amount of projects I have.

So, I not going to not going to worry about anything else. Uh, I think maybe I’ll do one more one more Trench Crusade war band. So, boom. These guys, they’re all primed and ready to go. And then obviously Molly Crew is staring me in the face every day.

But I think I think that’ll be that’s like the next year of this YouTube channel. So, if none of that stuff interests you, stop watching, unsubscribe. Uh, I think uh I’m sure there’ll be like little bits like the Necromunda stuff. I’ll piece in uh little little bits of conversion stuff here and there, but I really just want to get all the building for the next year done. Uh and I’m pretty much there.

Like I like I said, this less than 20 figures to build and I’ll have everything I want to paint for the next year. Uh and Kingdom Death. Kingdom Death is going to be rough. I got to get all that built. But other than that, I’ll probably build Kingdom Death just because I can start playing that immediately.

I want to get more into like solo playing just because it’s looking like I’m probably not going to be able to leave the house for a bit. So, I’m going to get good by playing War Machine at home and on War Table and looking into like solo play opportunities cuz I have time where I could play, but I don’t have time where I could like leave the house a ton. So, that’s what the next that’s the vision for the channel is really documenting my progress on one like getting good at a game. And I’m going to try to make that apply to any game like the steps you take to get good. And the other thing is like getting really good at painting and solo hopefully not all solo but uh solo role playing games.

Uh just cuz I think like the storytelling and the creativity and that’s really where my my heart lies. And then other than that, I don’t know what what the future has. Casting casting stuff is somewhere. Um, oh, also for the toads, I didn’t realize that Tuesday was a holiday and I shipped them out of my office. So, the the UPS guy didn’t or the post office guy didn’t come to pick it up.

Uh, but those are I I manually I I didn’t realize that until this weekend when I was going back through and looking at stuff. Uh, so sorry about that, but they have actually shipped now finally. Very sorry for that. Uh, did totally blanked on I had them at the office. Usually the USPS guy picks up packages for us from there.

But, uh, those are those are good. Now, one more. I’m going to go hard on Relic Blade. Uh, I have been big fan of Relic Blade for a while, but just haven’t gotten around to actually painting my stuff. So, that’s also Relic Blade’s also on the list for next year.

Not really. She told me sometimes I feel like