Self Reflection & Story Time

How Did This Happen?

I’m in the sort and categorize stage to get all this finalized and cleaned up. Looking at it all—mess, junk. The table is crazy. I was debating not even putting it on camera.

How do I get myself out of this? And how do I not go right back into it?

The Storage Shed Story

When I was 24 (I’m 35 now), I was moving into an apartment. Put almost everything I owned into a storage shed. I had maybe two Subaru hatchback loads at the apartment. Everything else was in the shed.

I don’t want to get into what was in there, but it would have been life-altering to have that stuff—to give to my kids, to sell (especially with the price of Pokemon and Magic cards during COVID).

Due to a little malice from one person and negligence from a family member, it was all stolen. I lost literally everything except two small car loads.

I shouldn’t have trusted who I trusted. I should have gotten it out. I can’t blame anybody else.

Radical Accountability

That was a moment where I embraced the idea that no matter what happens to me, it’s my fault. A lesson from that and other early-20s experiences.

Rebuilding Wrong

So I started rebuilding the collection. Chasing stuff I had as a kid. Rebuilding Warhammer armies. But I didn’t think about the countless hours and years of painting all that stuff.

I was making big boy money, freshly dating my wife, low responsibilities. Just buying the books, the toys, the Warhammer stuff, trying to regain it all.

Then bought this house (bad decision), got married, had kids. The only way I engaged with the hobby was buying. Not playing. Not painting. Occasionally building. Just buying.

And not even taking care of it—it’s in piles, looks like trash. I should be on an episode of Hoarders. Pretty embarrassing honestly.

Time to Change

I can’t spend the rest of the month cleaning up only to do the same things that got me here.

It’s time to address why I have these flaws, where they came from, why I’m doing things I don’t want to do anymore.

No Buying Until June

The next wave of Dusk (Fane of Neroth) comes out in June. Not buying any Warmachine until then. I have everything I need to play to 100 points.

Six months—we’re pretty much in the new year since prep starts today. Not going to buy anything until June.

The Vision

I want to:

• Get really good at Warmachine
• Start playing Infinity
• Get really good at painting (2-3 years of painting every day, maybe Golden Demon)
• Solo role playing games—that’s where my heart lies

I’m going to build everything I want to paint next year and have it all knocked out. Almost there—less than 20 figures to build.

The Project List

• All the orcs are built
• Vampire counts and vampire hobbits are built
• Mordheim warband
• Undead Mordheim (found the zombies)
• 80 painted Crypt Ghouls for Mortheim
• Infinity models (almost every one I own)
• Dusk
• Kingdom Death (for solo play)
• Lord of the Rings armies (staying in the box for now)
• Relic Blade
• One more Trench Crusade warband
• Mollog’s Crew

Turning the Dungeon into a Studio

I call it the dungeon because I’m in a basement. It’s a hoarder’s dungeon right now.

Time to turn this into a studio—a place where I can clear my head, be healthy, be creative. Looking at bad habits, figuring out why they’re there, having the discipline not to do the same dumb stuff over and over again.