Self Reflection & Story Time

How Did This Happen?

I’m looking around at all this mess and just thinking—how did this happen? How do I get myself out of this? And more importantly, how do I not go right back into it?

I was even debating not putting this on camera.

The Storage Shed Story

When I was 24 (I’m 35 now), I was moving into an apartment. I put almost everything I owned into a storage shed—two Subaru Impreza hatchback loads at the apartment, everything else in the shed.

I don’t want to get into what was in there, but let’s just say it would have been life-altering to have that stuff—to give to my kids, to sell, especially with Pokemon and Magic card prices during COVID.

Due to a little malice from one person and negligence from a family member, it was all stolen. I lost literally everything except those two hatchback loads.

Radical Accountability

That was a moment where I embraced radical accountability—no matter what happens to me, it’s my fault. I shouldn’t have trusted who I trusted. I should have gotten it out anyway. I can’t blame anyone else.

The Buying Problem

So I started rebuilding the collection, chasing stuff I had as a kid, rebuilding Warhammer armies. I didn’t think about the countless hours and years of painting I’d lost.

I had just met my wife, was making big boy money with low responsibilities. Just immediately started buying—books, toys, Warhammer stuff, hobby stuff. Then bought this house (bad decision), got married, had kids.

The only way I engaged with the hobby was buying. I wasn’t playing. I wasn’t painting. The only way I was engaging with this thing I love was buying and not even taking care of it.

Time to Change

To actually change who you are, you have to think about why you’re doing these things and how you got there. I’ve already spent two weeks cleaning and it’s still this bad—that tells you how bad it really was.

I don’t want to spend the rest of the month getting this workspace cleaned only to do the same things that got me here.

The No-Buy Commitment

The next wave of Dusk (Fane of Nero) comes out in June. I’m not buying anything until then. Sorry, Steam Forge—I love you guys, but I’m done on the purchasing department.

I have everything I need to play all the games I want. I don’t need to purchase anything for at least 6 months. We’re pretty much in the new year mentally—prep starts today.

The Golden Demon Goal

I really want to get good at painting. Really, really good. Maybe set a goal of actually going to a Golden Demon in two to three years—when the kids could handle me going somewhere or maybe even coming with me.

I’m pretty good for an average painter, but I have a long way to go.

The Studio Vision

I call it the dungeon because I’m in a basement and it’s very much a hoarder’s dungeon right now. It’s time to turn this into a studio—a place to clear my head, be healthy, be creative.

It starts with looking at these bad habits, figuring out why they’re there, and having the discipline to not do the same dumb stuff over and over again.

The Year’s Projects

Building everything I want to paint next year so I can just paint:

• Dusk (almost done)
• Infinity (less than 20 figures left to build)
• All Orcs and Vampire Counts built
• Mordheim warband
• Kingdom Death (going to be rough)
• Relic Blade
• Lord of the Rings (keeping in boxes for now)
• Solo RPG stuff

If none of that interests you, stop watching, unsubscribe. That’s the next year of this YouTube channel.

The Real Vision

This channel is documenting my progress on getting good at a game, getting really good at painting, and solo role-playing games. That’s really where my heart lies—storytelling and creativity.